Wednesday, September 26, 2012


I love Zombies! And I love playing the Plants vs. Zombies game from Pop Cap Entertainment. Those little guys are just too cute. Anyways, I sent my letter to the zombie advice column and it got published!

Sure, the Zombie Googled my name and found where I work, but that's okay, lol. Creepy Stalker Zombie is cool, too.

Crazy happy!  Also, my erotic short, Bi-Curious is currently in the #4 spot on Secret Cravings Publishing's Bestseller's list! Also, it's still Connor Gremlin's birthday ;)

Dear A Zombie,
I think you’re so funny and cute- well, in a newly reanimated corpse sort of way. Do you have a girlfriend? If so, what sort of romantical things do you do for her? Where did you take her on your first date?
Zombie Fan

Dear Zombie Fan,
Zombie think mabey you hitting on Zombie. Zombie not sure how Zombie feel about that. Partly because Zombie not have time for relationship and also becuz how Zombie know you interested in Zombie for Zombie and not just doing research for some zombie romance novel? That Zombie’s gig so back off, sister. Also, Zombie Binged web site you say you work at hoping it maybe a cupcake blog but found out is something crazy different. If it could be, Zombie face would be very red.

See full column at: 

My Kingdom For A Cupcake!

Today is Connor's 5th birthday! I would be sentimental and reminisce on the 36 hours of labor ending in an emergency C-section it took to get the little feller here, but who has the time? Shew, I've run myself ragged for him today.

Okay, I know I shouldn't wait until the last minute to buy gifts, but he's like a Present Ninja. He can sniff a gift out from a mile away. So, I went and got his presents today and got them wrapped. They're wrapped poorly since that's not my forte, but I give myself a big ol' A for effort, anyway.

He said he wanted cupcakes brought to school for his birthday because another little boy's Mom brought him some cupcakes. I couldn't be outdone. I promised him cupcakes, faithfully! I had to have some cupcakes for his birthday! Lord have mercy, I went everywhere looking for some cupcakes. They had some Halloween and Fall-centric cupcakes, but no birthday ones already made up. Every other time I go out, I see cupcakes and cakes EVERYWHERE. Then when I need them...nothing.

I finally went to Food City, ready to buy whatever just so I wouldn't show up empty-handed. The girl behind the counter offered to personalize a cupcake for him. I still had some time before it was crunch time, so I figured I could wait around for her to bake me something if push came to shove.

She said she could have me a new, personalized cupcake cake in a few minutes! I was ready to marry her. I was crying, I was so happy! Although, while I was waiting she took the opportunity to lecture me on procrastinating on my cupcakes. I figured she had the upper-hand at that point, so I bit my tongue and took my lashings. Whatever kept me from buying supplies and rushing home to bake cupcakes from scratch. One way or the other, my baby will have cupcakes brought to school at 2 o'clock today.

I feel so much better now that crisis has been averted. I'd never live it down if I didn't bring him stuff to school after I promised him. Now, I'm just terrified that I'll drop it or have some sort of freak culinary disaster before then. *Fingers crossed*

He's been so happy today, though. He's told everyone at school that today is his birthday and they MUST tell him happy birthday. God love him. A little girl came up to him and gave him a big hug and then wouldn't let him go. Haha! I guess he'll learn to be careful what he asks for.

Now his gifts are wrapped and the cupcakes are stowed away safely until Go Time. Wish me luck!
:.Before the Children Attack It.:

Writer's Words of Wisdom: Small Details

I'm going to try and keep this post short and sweet. Today is Connor's 5th birthday! Happy Birthday, Gremlin!

Dialect can add spice and depth to any story, if it is properly used. As a rule of thumb, you should save dialect for dialogue and keep it out of the narration. For example, the following sentence should be moved to a quote somewhere:
           Kasey ain't got nary horse. Where was her dad-gum horse?

You also need to keep the story's setting and time period in mind. You wouldn't want a cell phone ringing in 1500 A.D Scotland, would you? And you couldn't have characters going to a beach resort in Missouri, either.

This can be especially difficult for British or Canadian writers who spell words differently than American-based writers. If you're writing something that occurs outside the U.S, keep your preference. And of course there are some exceptions here. For example, your characters are studying abroad, new immigrants, visiting on a work visa- in those situations it would be okay to mix it up in the dialogue. 

Color vs. colour
neighbor vs. neighbour
*theater vs theatre
 Personally, I prefer theatre for some reason. I always spell it that way when I write it ;).

I suppose you could also make an argument for different points of view as well. In first person narration, the characters thoughts would be open to their own dialect, too. Lots of gray area here that you may want to discuss with your editor as well.

You also can't forget the difference in measurement. I'm pretty sure everywhere but the United States uses the metric system. So, if you mention a measurement and the story is in Europe, you should probably use one of those standards of measurement.

These variations are relatively small details when considered in a whole novel, but the little details are just as important as the big ones.

Don't forget to visit this week's participating authors' blogs as well!

Paloma Beck  

Tammy Dennings Maggy(Tammy Smith)

Happy Writing!
:.My Birthday Boy!.:

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Road Work

If you've been following my posts, you're aware that I get a little road-ragey. I mean, I have places to go and places to be and I don't want anyone getting in my way or taking up more of my valuable time than I've alloted for my task.

Now that Connor is in school, and is an out-of-distract student, I drive twenty minutes each way to take him to school and get back home. This isn't a big deal...but the TWO flag points of road construction is. I mean, they put these two crews together so as soon as you're out of one cluster F, you find yourself in another one. 

Not to be mean, but untrained monkeys could do a better job at flagging traffic- and I'd end up with less sh*t on my windows. Okay, that was a little mean. Not sorry. First of all, you'd think they wouldn't start until after the school buses have went through just to keep them from being late. But NO. They must start at six every morning just to ruin my day! Okay, that's a little egotistical of me. Second of all, these crews really need to coordinate their efforts. While you're traveling through the flagged areas, machinery just whips out in front of you with chains and pipes swinging, workers walk backwards into your line of I said, Cluster F. The only consolation is that, normally, you don't have to wait too long in traffic. They at least got that much right.

:.Guess What He's Shoveling?.:
I go through this mess four times a day. FOUR. Shew! And I can't keep from thinking that all the ruts these dozers and back hoes are making in the highway will only warrant the road pavers to come back and re-pave the road...thus holding up my morning and afternoons some more. Someone, please put me in charge of the highway department!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

It's A Nude-a-Palooza!!

We're all born naked- without clothes or covering. We all get naked, eventually, to bathe, change clothes, get naughty- so why are we so ashamed?  Think of all the money we would save if everyone stopped buying and wearing clothes! It's a revolutionary idea!

Okay, I know this sounds a little weird. But if we all went nude, it would be the norm. No one could think it was weird...or the Saturday two-for-one drink special at the local bar. Right?

I mean, we usually see women and men in magazines like Playboy and Hustler who have been airbrushed to the MAX and have a little less pucker than the average person. Should these people make us feel ashamed of our own unique figures?

This post kind of popped into my head this morning while I was listening to my favorite radio morning show, The John Boy and Billy Big Show. The hosts were discussing recent headlines and of course, the royal family's recent Nude-a-palooza scandal popped up. I guess this is sort of like Jessica Simpson's 'indecent baby photo' news- I'm completely aware that there's bigger global happenings in the headlines, but I'm just going to focus on the tabloid rags. Sorry, I'm not aiming to be senior analyst at NBC or anything.

Anyways, there's this whole scandal over Prince Harry and the Kate Middleton (I think she's a princess? Someone across the pond correct me if I'm wrong ;) ). Prince Harry was photographed nude in his Las Vegas hotel room and Kate was photographed with a long-distance lens on a private estate. It's not like these people were out bar-hopping and streaking down a public street. For all intents and purposes, they were on private property!

I know there's some people who feel that if you're in the public eye at all, you are no longer entitled to any form of privacy- but should we splash their nudie pictures all over the place just to turn a buck? At least when Playboy does it, the subject is willing, photoshopped, and handed a wad of cash. These people weren't even offered a say so. That's pitiful!

If it was me, I'd probably just walk around naked for a day (especially if I was as slim and pretty as Kate) and let everyone get a picture of me. Then, people would have their fill and the photographs gobbled up by the media would be pretty much worthless. Never fear! No one actually wants my naked pictures, so don't blind yourselves just yet, people!

So, I guess the moral to this story is, if you're royalty of any kind- don't take your clothes off...ever. Don't even try to hide under your bed and change, the Poparazzo are totally onto you. I wish it was different, but as long as people are willing to pay bookoos of money to see you naked, photogs are going to try and get the money shots. Sorry.

:.I'd Still Tinkle if I REALLY Had to Go.:

Writer's Words of Wisdom: Fear no Rejection!

If you're a writer, you're familiar with the fear of rejection.  Even if you're just writing a paper for your high school or college professor, you want to ensnare them with your rhetoric and witty comments.  You don't want to get your paper back with all sorts of red lines and marks mucking up your beautiful manuscript.

I've had my fair share of rejection.  I've had personalized rejections like:

"Dear Jessicca,
I would be interested in seeing more of this project. 
Would you please send the following via email for further review.
1. The first three chapters in an attachment in RTF format.
2. A 3-5 page synopsis in an attachment in RTF format
3. Your contact information in the message
4. In the subject line write REQUESTED MATERIAL - Your book title
I look forward to reading more."
After submitting requested material, this literary agent went on to say: 

"Dear Jessica,
Thank you so much for sending me this additional material to review. 
As you know, I am always looking for great series writers. 
I am sorry to say, however, that I am going to pass on this one. 
I simply didn't find myself drawn to the characters 
as much as I had hoped. In the end, I felt the story lacked the depth 
necessary to make me want to follow the characters through 
this relationship.
Thank you again and I wish you all the best with your writing."

And I've had the standard rejection form like:

"Dear Jessica,
Unfortunately, after careful consideration of your manuscript, 
we have determined that it does not fit our needs. 
Though we aren't able to accept this manuscript, it is always 
possible that future manuscripts may find a home with us, and 
we hope you'll consider us for future submissions. Additionally, 
please remember that publishing is quite subjective, and what 
doesn't work for one publisher may work for another so we wish 
you the best of luck in placing this manuscript elsewhere. 
Thank you for your interest in working with 
*Name Withheld*."  

If I had to get rejected, I preferred the personalized one.  They took the time to give me pointers so I could strengthen my manuscript and my query letters for the future.  Standard rejections hurt my very soul.  They made me feel like I wasn't even worthy of their attention.

Through it all, I developed a tougher skin.  I picked up the pieces of my shattered ego and got back to work writing and querying.  I even took the time to investigate these publishing houses and agencies to see what kinds of manuscripts they were accepting and what the authors had to say about working with them.

I would also suggest that you look the publisher up on their social networking sites and even invest some time reading their blogs (if they have one).  You may find that you don't jive with that company at all.  Then again, you may be even more determined to find your niche there. 

You've spent countless hours honing your skills and polishing your manuscript, so don't skimp when it comes to the details.  Take the time to narrow your list of queries.  You want your manuscript to be with people who can do the most for it.   Also, look over submission guidelines carefully. Some houses frown on simultaneous submissions and you should make a note in your query if you're submitting to other publishing houses, too.  Honesty is the best policy!

Don't forget to check out this week's other WoW Bloggers:

Paloma Beck:

Tammy Dennings Maggy(Tammy Smith)

:.It's Okay! We've All Been There!.:

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Hurricane: Passwords

If you're like me, you'll sign up for anything. I have accounts to pages I forget I have. Who can keep up with everything from multiple facebook pages, email accounts, on-line banking, amazon, twitter... See what I mean?

And forget letting your computer remember them all! That's fast tracking your way to HackHood- super fast! Why do we do this to ourselves? I want to keep up with the times and keep track of old buddies and family members, but I'm really rooting for the resurrection of snail mail! It's pretty easy to get ahold of someone's mailing address- a little harder to get someone's phone number.

I like websites like Triberr (Thanks for helping me find & work with it Paloma Beck). It's a site where you can log on with an existing facebook or twitter account. You can post one link there and have it shared to all of your other accounts. I'm sure it can do lots more fun stuffs, but I'm still learning the ropes.

Maybe I should start a super secret notebook where I write down all my nutty passwords? But then I'd probably forget where I hid the damn thing. I'm pitiful!
:.Could I Get This With A Padlock, Please?.:

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Roads Not Taken Are Best Left Unknown

They're a lot of hard work, they stay dirty, and they're kind of clingy but I'll admit it- I miss my kids!  They stayed at their Aunt's house last night and I counted on really enjoying my break.  But what do I do?  I fall asleep watching Scooby Doo!  I've been trained so well by these little monkeys.  It's not even funny anymore.

Connor's first Pee-Wee game is tomorrow and I am super excited to see these little nuggets play ball.  I mean, what could be more adorable? Go ThunderCats!! But Heaven help me if someone starts pitching fits and trying to make this game no fun for my young'un.  *Rolls up sleeve* No one wants to see Mama Bear storm out of her cave ;)

But really, what is it with Psycho Parents pushing their kids to play sports at such a young age?  There's nothing wrong with wanting your kids to be involved in extracurricular activities and instilling a sense of comradery and responsibility in your children.  But switching your Kindergartener from one district to the other because the other school has a better football coach is a little nutty.

I could see wanting your child to succeed in high school so they can receive scholarships to help pay for exorbitant college tuition, but do you have to scar them in the process? I'm not only talking about emotional scarring either- I've heard of grade school-age athletes experimenting with steroids, pee-wee baseball pitchers needing elbow replacements, and horrific, nearly-crippling knee injuries.  All of which could have been avoided.  Your child shouldn't be sidelined at an early age because coaches and parents pushed them too hard.  Am I the only person who thinks this behavior is extreme?

I would never push Connor or Tempe to play a sport.  The Hubby would because he feels like he was robbed of a star football career, but that's a whole other post of Psychobabble I don't care to get into right now.  I could see me pushing them to be smart and succeed scholastically.  They can go just as far being smart as they could being athletic- maybe further. Living vicariously through your children is kind of pathetic.

I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm fairly vocal about one of my (many) pet peeves.  I don't agree with cutting after school learning activities in favor of keeping sports.  Before you get your panties in a knot, I'm not saying that sports aren't important.  I'm just arguing that schools should also strive to keep their academics, too.  Most professional sports players retire in their thirties (if they're lucky).  What do they have to fall back on?  At least you can use a degree to make a living in later years if your body and joints start to deteriorate.

I know you're probably sitting there thinking about some athletes who also went to Ivy League Law school and so on- I'm not saying exceptions to the rule don't exist.  And I congratulate them for being such a well-rounded individual.  I'd be happy if Connor or Tempe won an Olympic gold medal and then came home to perform some brain surgery. 

I hope the best for my children's futures and I plan to be there cheering them on all the way. But don't expect me to force them into activities they don't want to do just so I can feel better about paths not taken in my own life.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

World, Where Have You Gone?

I was reading through some MSN headlines this morning and a story just kind of leapt out and grabbed my attention.  No, it wasn't the Middle East or 2012 election coverage.  Yes, it was *gasp* Jessica Simpson's baby! 

Normally, I couldn't care less about what goes on in the lives of 'stars'.  As long as they're doing their part and entertaining me, their personal choices are theirs.  Good Lord, people.  It's a baby wearing a knit bikini.  I mean, the color does nothing for her complexion and she has a weird-looking hairdo, but it's not obscene.  The baby's four months old!  If you think that's sexually alluring in any way...there's something seriously wrong with YOU. 

I see nothing wrong with little babies wearing two piece swim suits.  You can start calling Katie Couric and bitching when you see ME wearing one- that would be disturbing.  *Rolls eyes*

:.*Gasp* Tempe swims in her diaper!.:

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Writer's Words of Wisdom: Don't Sweat It


     For my very first post for WOW, I'd like to discuss expectations and goals.  As a writer, you should aim to set realistic goals for yourself.  For example, don't clear a three day weekend in the hopes of emerging from a cabin somewhere with a completed 150K manuscript that's polished and ready to hit the New York Time's Best Seller's list by Midnight.

      If you have a life at all outside your computer, plan on a few months to a year for completing a manuscript.  Don't feel like you have to rush yourself or neglect work, family, or friends to finish your book.  Rushing and stressing will bleed over into your writing flow.  You want the best writing possible, and tense writing isn't the best way to go.

     Keep your eyes on the prize and Steady-Eddy yourself to a completed manuscript.  It's also worth mentioning that you should take your time with the editing process as well- especially if you heavily rely on self-editing.  In college, my professor told us to start from the end and work our way back to the first page to catch more errors. That way you're not just following the flow of the storyline.

     Don't get discouraged if you spy other authors' posts about how many words they accomplished that day or week even.  Everyone works at their own pace and everyone has varying amounts of time they can commit to their writing.  Take your time and enjoy the process!

Don't forget to visit the other authors participating in this week's WOW posts:

Paloma Beck:

Tammy Dennings Maggy:

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Can I Get Some Fries With This?

   Nobody likes to eat crow.  First of all, it's gross. Second, let's be honest, Crows are pretty damn hard to catch.  Believe me, I've tried.  I'd like to think that admitting I'm wrong strengthens my character and makes me an all-around better person...but apologies kind of stick in my throat. And taking the high road gives me killer nosebleeds.

    I neglected to put Connor in preschool or daycare because, the way I figured it, he'll be in school a LONG time- and I wanted him to have some fun before he was legally forced to go.  I figured that preschool wasn't that helpful, expensive, and it was really a glorified babysitting service.  I'm w... I was wro... *Clears throat* Okay, I was mistaken!

    Connor's behavior and attention span has dramatically improved since he started Kindergarten three weeks ago.  He doesn't watch as much TV, he sits down and eats at the table, he writes his letters and numbers without me having to force and/or bribe him to do it.  The other night, he even came back and apologized for smart-mouthing me. He even promised to never, ever do that again because it was rude. (He totally reneged, but that's not the point here.)  I am AMAZED!  Why did I rail against this magical place?

    As for Tempe, I'm not sure if I'll take her to day care or not. I know, I just campaigned for pre-K schooling, but it's so hard to let them go.  So, we'll see.  Maybe two days a week wouldn't hurt.
:. Hold the phone, PETA.  It's (probably) fake..:

Saturday, September 8, 2012

New Stuff

     You may have noticed that my erotic short, Bi-Curious, has just been published thanks to Secret Cravings Publishing.  I've added those links to the right side of the page under the heading "Buy My Books".  Follow any of those links to purchase your electronic copy of Bi-Curious. You can also follow those links to post your reviews.

     Beginning Wednesday, September 12, 2012 I'll be participating in Writer's Words of Wisdom.  It's a weekly blog post where a group of writers get together and offer helpful tips for new authors.  There will be different topics each week including writing tips, publicity/marketing advice, helpful hints for getting published, and so much more.  At the end of the post, I'll add links to other authors who are also participating. Hopefully I'll learn a lot, too since I'm getting experience via On the Job Training, lol. 

:.Come Back 9-12-12 for My First Installment!.:

Friday, September 7, 2012

More Shameless Self-Promotion & Party Invite

Release day is finally (almost) here!  My erotic short story Bi-Curious releases tomorrow 9-8-2012 with Secret Cravings Publishing.  You can go ahead and add it to your cart at this link :

I'll add the link to Amazon and Barnes & Noble tomorrow when they become available to me.  In the meantime you can go to my Facebook Author's Page and attend my Release Party for a chance to win a free pdf copy at this link:  Leave a comment with your contact info for a chance to win!

In the meantime, enjoy this excerpt.  (Adult content warning!)

 She reached over and placed a hand on my thigh as she lowered her voice in a conspiratorial whisper. "That way I get the best of both worlds if you know what I mean?"

I didn't, but I nodded my head anyway. I tried to picture how exactly she could get a girl off with her tongue ring. I was drawing a complete blank. My sexual experiences consisted of drunken quickies. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever got off with them—at least not in the way I'd overheard other girls in my dorm describe it. My toes didn't curl and my eyes didn't roll back in my head. I hadn’t begged for more.

"Have you ever been with a woman?" I hadn't noticed her hand creeping up my thigh. Her fingers were under the hem of my skirt by the time I caught onto her. I should have pulled away, but I was too stunned and aroused.

I shook my head, my mouth suddenly too dry to form words. I had enough sense about me to look around again to make sure we were still alone. I was relieved to find that no one else was about. I felt a little dirty letting this stranger touch me without the convenient excuse of alcohol as my scapegoat, but I didn’t want her to stop.

She eased my legs apart so I was forced to put my feet on the floor. I could tell she was cautious with me and I wanted to let her know that I wasn't that easy to scare. I kind of liked someone taking their time with me. No one had ever approached me with such care and attentiveness.

I moaned as her hand brushed against my panties. She hadn't even really touched me yet and I was already on edge. She placed a finger against my lips, reminding me to keep as quiet as possible. I couldn't help taking the digit between my lips and sucking on it. It felt so natural. Her stunned expression gave me pause and my mouth stilled. She flashed me a sexy little encouraging smile so I nibbled on her finger. She pressed her middle finger against my lips and used it to open my mouth a little wider so I could suckle on it, too.

"That a girl, you're a fast learner," she encouraged. I didn't know how she was getting so aroused from me sucking on her fingers. At that point, I would have shoved her whole hand down my throat to get her to touch me. The hand that wasn't occupied with my mouth remained stationary on the inside of my thigh. She was making me wild with need.

"Scoot forward for me," she said with a sexy grin. I was starting to like the way she was instructing me. I could tell it was doing something for her, too. She slipped her fingers out of my mouth so I could do as she asked. I scooted closer to her and poised myself on the very edge of my chair. She smiled approvingly at my eagerness to please her.